Sleep Patterns

September 9, 2001. Gary and I were skating at a hospital on top of a huge hill overlooking a valley. An ambulance came and took out a dead woman. Gary asked me why she wasn't moving or blinking. They hadn't closed her eyes yet. She must have died on the way. A car full of family and friends came in with the ambulance. They were all crying and hugging each other. One woman screamed hysterically and grabbed at the woman's body asking her to wake up. I had to tell Gary that her soul went to Heaven. I didn't believe a word of it, but I knew it'd be easier for him to understand. Two days from now, at 9 AM, the planes will hit the World Trade Center killing over 3, 000 people. I will tell Gary that there is no God, and all of this is meaningless. But today, there is a God. And he has a plan for him. He doesn't know it, but a year from now, our family will be torn apart and I will move far away and won't see or talk to him for five years. And as we sit on the hood of our car, the sun goes down and he asks me what I want out of my life. I tell him I don't know. On and on we run away from the things we are afraid. On and on we run away from the things we are afraid. On and on we run away from the things we are afraid. I don't tell him about the dream I had the night before where I'm riding in a car full of strangers and singing to some song I've never heard and smoking a cigarette and we swerve off the road and hit a tree. I go through the windshield and hit the edge of a fence, dislocating my jaw and flipping me into a wall where my neck is broken, and my skull is fractured. I bleed to death in excruciating pain. I will have this dream periodically until I meet all of the strangers, one by one introducing them all to one another until we are a close group of friends. I will set these events in motion, and I will die. But today in the warm light of the sunset, I don't see it. I just see the sunset. I smile back and shake my head. I have absolutely no idea. I am afraid.

2001年的九月九日。Gary和我在一家医院玩滑板，这家医院坐落在可以俯瞰峡谷的山顶。一辆救护车驶来，推出一个死去的女人。Gary问我为什么她一动不动，也不眨眼。他们还没合上她的眼睛。她一定是在路上就死掉了。一辆载满家人和朋友的车从救护车后面跟来。他们都哭着，互相拥抱着。一个女人歇斯底里地尖叫着，抓住死者的身体叫她醒过来。我告诉Gary，她的灵魂去了天堂。即使我说的话我一个字都不信，但是我知道这样能叫他好接受点。两天后的上午九点，飞机就将撞上世贸大厦，三千多无辜的人命丧于此。我会告诉Gary，世上根本就没有什么上帝，这一切都毫无意义。但今天，上帝犹在。上帝还有个关于他的计划。他还不知道，但一年之后，我们的家庭就将被拆散，而我会搬去远方，接着五年没见面也没联系。而此时我们正坐在车子引擎盖上，太阳正缓缓落下，他问我有什么想要摆脱的。我说我不知道。我们跑啊跑，逃离那些让我们害怕的事。我没告诉他前一晚我梦到坐着一辆满是陌生人的车，抽着烟唱着我从来没听过的歌，突然车子失控，撞上了路边的树。我从挡风玻璃飞出，撞上了栅栏的边缘，我的下巴脱臼了，滚了一圈又撞上了墙，撞断了我的脖子，我的头骨也骨折了。我在极度痛苦中失血而死。我反反复复地做着这个梦，直到我认识了车上所有陌生人，一个接着一个他们相互介绍自己，直到我们成了一群亲密无间的朋友。我将把这一切拍成电影，然后我会死去。但是今天，在这落日温暖的余晖中，我没去想这些。我痴痴地注视着落日。我微笑着摇了摇我的头。我完完全全没有一点头绪。我害怕。